ext_198693 ([identity profile] thelondonrain.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] ziasudra 2005-12-05 07:23 am (UTC)

thanks sweetie! i'm still going back and forth thru the ending. also trying to work some description into it, but it's quite hard.

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ending:

“Ma?” you begin, watching her eat like the little argument never happened. It can’t just keep going on like this, but you two have to talk before you can really talk. When she lifts her head, you say, “I’ve missed you.”

“Sit down,” she says and you find it hard (to listen). “Sit down.”

And you do.

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i suppose the "find it hard" is the difficult part. should i say it or is it implied when "you" don't sit the first time around? i think you sitting puts a resolution to it and makes the mother's words sound not quite so bad. (the original ending i sent to teh class was the mother saying: "sit".)

also i deleted the earlier two sentences about regretting that you dont listen to your mother, b/c i feel you're right, that it's implied that she does (and she does actually do that). you get a feeling for the rebellious child here coming around.

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